i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
