I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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