Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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