It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
