Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
