i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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