Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
