she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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