I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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