I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
