i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
