Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
