just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
