when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Please, let me fuck your mom
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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