wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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