She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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