My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
