I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
