Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
