I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
