turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
NoShamevember. You game?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
