Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
