we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need water and some morals
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
