i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i now understand why vodka
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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