This girl is more easily done than said...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
