So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
