I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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