bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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