Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
