I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
