i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
