Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
