my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
