and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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