For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
