How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
