I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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