I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There r osticjed everywhere
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
