I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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