I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
