Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
