Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
