Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
