went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
