Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
