Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
