Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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