I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
