Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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