my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he wants to bone in the snuggie
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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