my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
